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The Power of Tutus A couple of weeks ago I went to a clothing store that I love and came across an adult version of a tutu. No, it wasn?t a misplaced Halloween costume piece. It just happened to be a fashion forward store (yes we have them in the Midwest) that thought of bringing in something fun. It wasn?t the bustling tulle ones my daughter wears but a very girly soft satin mixed with small amounts of tulle strips in a very adult subtle, subdued, almost off shade of pink. I loved it. What girl wouldn?t? I picked it up and my heart skipped a beat. Could it be? Did I find something that I actually loved and would die waiting for the chance to wear? I added it to the pile of clothes I had with me and as I browsed the rest of the store I couldn?t stop thinking of the different ways I could wear my new find. It?s purpose was for it to be worn with something else and I was envisioning the jeans and leggings I could wear it with and the perfect shirt I could pair with it. Oh and the shoes! A chance to wear those boots that have not been given a specific purpose yet but to sit in the closet just waiting to be the new special thing. But after exhausting the outfit possibilities and while looking through the normal mainstream clothing in the rest of the store the euphoria waned and I began to come back to reality. Each second I looked at a pants suit or the standard jeans and black sweaters paired together, because they all know that?s what we fall back on, I knew that the possibility of me buying that tutu was fleeting. Why didn?t I just drop everything and buy the one thing that made me feel so much like a girl? Why did I give the practical side of me a chance to talk me out of it? After walking through the store for a long while, giddy and excited about the perfect pink, soft, frilly, girly goodness I had found, I said good bye and slipped it in between a tweed jacket and a white button down shirt. Just hoping that some other woman who is also trapped in the same bubble I am trapped in would free herself from it when she happened upon it. I left that store sad and feeling old and that is when I knew that the six year old by my side was much more stronger in spirit and full of much more confidence than I was.
My daughter has her own tutu. Not a play one that is easily torn but a tutu that I bought her last year meant to be worn as an actual -go outside in public- garment. It is bright pink tulle with beautiful satin ribbon and lined with a polyester slip a shade darker than the rest. It was perfect when I saw it in the children?s clothing store. In fact, I felt almost the same as I had when I found mine. I was excited about how cute she would look with it on. I thought of all the different ways I could dress her in it. How cute she would look with a t shirt and sneakers and her tutu. But in this case I bought it and I never had buyers remorse. Every time she wears that tutu out on the weekend or to school I have a second of doubt because it is a strong thing to wear. But she hops around with it on like it was anything else that she would wear. She hasn?t been sullied with practicality and conventionalism. She?s just a girl who likes to wear a pink tutu. She has the guts of a 6 year old and I?d like to know how I lost mine. When did that happen? When did I start caring about looking like everyone else?
I grew up in Philadelphia and as a young woman I followed trends and always loved wearing that one thing that allowed me to stand out from the rest. But now I blend right in and I wonder what caused this? Is it a product of moving to the suburbs, a natural occurrence caused by age or have I just given up? Why don?t I get excited about picking out clothes for the next day? When did I sign up for the jeans and t shirt uniform? Don?t get me wrong I actually have other clothes in my closet but for some reason I don?t wear them anymore. Maybe I don?t need a tutu but I need to be excited again about being me. It?s more than what I wear ? it?s about how I feel. I need to feel like myself again and I don?t think that is where I am right now. I?m not just a mom I am a beautiful woman and I?ve forgotten that somehow.
So maybe I?ll go back and buy that tutu. Not to wear but to frame and hang in my closet so every day that I go in there I have a reminder to be THAT girl, that woman, that mother I really am. Not necessarily to try to dress in a different way but to know that even if I just put on that t shirt and jeans I am a confident, fun beautiful person that as an individual has a lot to offer the world. A reminder that I need to really live and not go through life just making do. To let that little 6 year old inside me out and see the world through her eyes. And to be a person, a woman that my daughter will grow up to admire.
Written by Charlotte-- A wife, mom, jewelry designer and member of SEWisconsinMommies.com.
The Gift of Sick Days I'm looking at my 5 year daughters face right now. Quiet. Calm. Relaxed. Ok ... she is sleeping. This is the second week of school and we are already experiencing a sick day. I say experiencing because this is something new for the both of us.
Before when she was sick, it was just a day where she hung out on the sofa and I would go through a semi normal daily routine of household chores. But now that she has started school and is gone all day I feel like this is an opportunity I shouldn't let pass by. I see today how much she likes going to school because she is missing it so much. I'm a little jealous when she asks if she would be in recess right now or wondering what her new special friends are doing because it makes me see she has a part of her life now that doesn't include me. I know from the look on her face when I pick her up from school each day that she needs me and loves me. But the fact that she is making friends and creating this new world around her that does not involve me hurts. I'm proud that I have raised a girl that is secure and independent enough to be her own person without me but I was not as successful at fostering that in myself. I suddenly feel insecure and incomplete without her. My days have revolved around her for five years and then without warning I am thrown into a new stage of motherhood. It feels just like a couple of years ago when I realized too late that it wasn't the terrible twos that I had to worry about because three year olds turn into manic little people. I wondered why nobody warned me about that back then.
No one warned me that all of a sudden I would need to readjust how I identify myself as a mom and a woman when she started school either. Everything leading up to the first day of school involved reading books about the first day of school and talking to her to ease fears and insecurities. I just didn't even think it would affect me the way that it has.
I am a stay at home mom, which already brings about long, sometimes unthankful, days where here is no job description of what my responsibilities are that can give me a sense of accomplishment. No 6-month reviews, no pay increase and no time off. But now I know I have sick days, one of the most important days I will ever have. Because that is what I'm here for. And now on sick days I won't be trying to get household chores done because this day is an extra day for me to slow down the world for us. It's time that is gifted to me because otherwise she would be in school. Time we can spend just being together. Because next week is a new week of school. And we will go back to our own new little worlds.
Written by Charlotte- a wife, mom, jewelry designer and member of SEWisconsinMommies.com
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